These Phrases from My Father Which Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - going on a short trip away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."